The Collectors

From:        some.dutch.guy@wanadoo.nl
To:        info@kgsncycling.com
Subject:    pictures of your team

DEAR SPORTFRIEND
WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND ME THE PHOTGRAPHS OF YOUR TEAM
I WIL THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND WiSH YOU AND YOUR
TEAM THE VERY BEST FOR THIS

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Since the UCI makes detailed contact information for every registered pro team easily available to any Geert, Wil, or Franck with an internet connection, I receive a few emails like this one every day.

Fortunately for Kodakgallery.com/Sierra Nevada, Kodak’s online photo service is available in western Europe, so I just direct people to the team’s Gallery Premier page and they can order whatever prints they want.

Otherwise, there’s no way that a small team could respond to everyone – not to mention the fact that postage to Europe for 14-packs on heavy cardstock would add up pretty quickly. (In three years, KGSN Operations Manager Kurt Stockton has received exactly one self-addressed stamped envelope.)

But sometimes on a slow day, I’ll take a minute to read some of the requests; they can be pretty amusing and they generally fall into three formats:

THE POLITE REQUEST

The email at the top of this column is a good example of the Polite Request. They are translated into five or six languages in the same email for convenient spamming, and there must be one 19th-century Englishman who does all the translating.

“Would you be so kind as to send us the individual pictures of your riders?” Is that the kind of English they’re teaching in the Low Countries?

An added bonus of the Polite Request is the chance to learn exciting new words like “sportfriend”.

SHORT AND SWEET

This is an actual email that I have received several times:

From:        a.french.person@wanadoo.fr
To:        info@kgsncycling.com
Subject:    photos “team KODAKGALLERY 2006”

Mister
Please
Thank you

—-

Seriously, that’s the whole email! Note that the sender assumes that he’s addressing a man. Perhaps Pierre should use a gender-neutral term like “sportfriend”.

FAKE JOURNALIST

There is no legitimate news-gathering purpose for which any media outlet – especially a local newspaper in Belgium – needs hard copies of Kodakgallery.com/Sierra Nevada rider cards. Are you laying out the Gazet van Mechelen the old-fashioned way?

Using false journalistic pretense in order to get photos of random American bike racers is not okay. If you’re a cycling fan and you collect team cards, that’s cool - but you should use the Polite Request instead of trying to trick me.

I’m talking to you, Peter Adins.